


maybe it’s because

by the_bourgeoisie



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Porn with Feelings, Sibling Incest, honestly i wrote this for myself, y’all can read it tho ig
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-04
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:28:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22555594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_bourgeoisie/pseuds/the_bourgeoisie
Summary: It was Lip. Lip, always solid and sturdy and there, even in her darkest moments.
Relationships: Fiona Gallagher/Lip Gallagher
Comments: 5
Kudos: 36





	1. First Time

**Author's Note:**

> this ain’t it

The first time it happened was in Ian’s bed, of all places. Everyone was out, doing their own thing, except the two of them and Liam, who she’d just put down for a nap. He was sitting on Ian’s bed doing homework for one of his super smart classes, and she doesn’t know why she decided to sit down next to him, but she did. Maybe it was the stress of not knowing if she’d be able to pay the gas bill on time, or maybe she wanted to see what she was missing out on in highschool. Or maybe it was just because it was Lip. Lip, always solid and sturdy and there, even in her darkest moments. 

“Calculus?” She asked innocently, wrapping her arms around herself and looking over his shoulder. 

“Physics.” He didn’t even look at her when he said it, and part of her liked that. Because she knew Lip didn’t even need to look at her, that he’d memorized her face easily after his entire life of seeing it every day. Maybe that shouldn’t have been reassuring, but it was, just a little bit. 

“You’re so smart, ya know. I could never do that kind of stuff.” She pulled her knees up to her chest. 

She couldn’t help but think that it shouldn’t be like this. She’s his big sister, she shouldn’t be relying on him to keep her from falling apart. She does, though, and part of her hates it, but without Lip she knows she’d be drowning. 

“You’re smart, too. So what if you’re no good at physics, you gotta be smart to juggle taking care of all of us with all your jobs.” Lip turned to look at her, then, his homework falling to the sidelines for a moment. He could always tell when she needed him, when she needed someone to pull her out of her head and remind her that she was strong. 

“Yeah, you kids are a handful.” Fiona laughed a little, and he brought an arm up around her shoulders to pull her close. He was warm, and the house was cold because they tried to keep the heat off when they could stand it, so she gladly leaned into him. 

“Don’t sell yourself short, Fi. You do a lot for us.” She could feel his breath, warm against the top of her head, and it made her smile. 

“I’d be a goner without you. You’re my rock.” Most of the time, she tried her hardest not to be vulnerable. But with Lip, it was different. With Lip, she didn’t have to say it, cause he always already knew. 

“You don’t need me. You’re fuckin’ Fiona Gallagher, I’m just your little brother.” He pressed a kiss to the top of her head, and it was so gentle, so kind that she almost started crying. It wasn’t often that she was touched that way. 

She didn’t say anything, then. Not for a while. She just let him hold her, listened to the sound of his heart beat, felt his solid chest rising and falling. 

“You’re my rock.” She said again, when she finally spoke. She put a hand on his chest and pulled away a little bit, looking at him with a sad smile. 

He couldn’t tell you why he decided to kiss her in that moment. He thinks it’s because she just looked so sad, so small and so helpless and he didn’t know how to fix it. But he’s still not sure, not entirely. He doesn’t know why, but he did it. He took her face in his rough hands and kissed her, tenderly. 

It took her a second to pull away, but she did. “Lip, you can’t do that.” Fiona said softly, staring at him with wide eyes. 

“Yeah I can.” Lip said simply, his voice just as soft. One of his hands had found its way to the back of her neck and he used it to pull her closer, so their faces were barely an inch apart. 

She broke the gap between them that time. The moment she did it, the guilt pooling in her stomach seemed to drain away and all she could feel was _him_. Her rock, her lifeline, and- fuck- her brother. 

His lips were chapped, she remembers that more vividly than anything. He towed the line perfectly between rough and tender, and when he started licking into her mouth she swore she felt herself melt with how soft his touch was. 

“We don’t gotta do this.” He whispered. He had a hand under her shirt, fingertips barely touching the swell of her breast. “We can go back to normal, now, but I’m not so sure about after.”

Fiona hesitated a little bit, but then she leaned up and pressed a kiss to his jaw. “Since when have any of us been normal?”

He kissed her again, a little harder. This time she didn’t hesitate when she kissed him back. 

He pulled his shirt off after a minute, and she followed, desperate to feel more of his skin against hers. His hands found her breasts, and his palms brushed against her nipples. 

“Fuck.” She gasped softly, arching into his touch. Something seemed to snap in him after that, because he wrapped an arm around her waist and pushed her down into the mattress. It was like he couldn’t get her pants and underwear down fast enough, because while he was undoing her jeans with one hand the other was already in her panties, rubbing against her clit. She arched up into his touch and didn’t try to hold back the moan that fell from her lips. 

“Bet it’s been a long time since you’ve been fucked good.” He mumbled, pressing kisses to her neck. She whimpered. They were already as close as they could be, but she wrapped her legs around his waist like that would bring him even closer. 

“I see the guys you bring home, Fi. I know none of them know what they’re doing. They don’t know you like I know you.” Fiona couldn’t tell if Lip was saying these things for her or for himself, but they made her smile either way. 

“No one knows me like you know me, Lip.” She ran her hands through his hair, watched him as he pushed his sweats and boxers down past his thighs. 

It hurt when he pushed into her, but he ran his thumbs gently over her hips and kissed her softly, and the pain was bearable because it was him. 

The ache gradually faded and gave way to pleasure, and he started to move. She moaned softly and threw her head back, and he pulled her closer and dropped his other hand to her clit. 

“So fucking tight, sweetheart.” He groaned, pressing sloppy kisses to her neck and shoulder. 

For once, she wasn’t thinking about when the kids were coming home or if Liam was gonna wake up soon. Her mind was totally occupied by him, by how good he felt inside her, and by how fast his fingers on her clit were bringing her towards her orgasm. 

She came silently, her mouth falling open and her back arching to press against him. He thrusted into her harder, and just a minute later he finished with a groan inside her. 

Neither of them moved for a minute. Lip had pulled out of her and laid down next to her, and she’d moved to rest her head on his chest, and then they laid for a while in silence. It was peaceful, but as much as Fiona wanted to hold onto that forever she knew that she couldn’t. 

“Why’d you do that? Kiss me, I mean.” Fiona sat up and fixed her ponytail before she started to look for her clothes. 

“I don’t know. You looked so sad. I just wanted to help.” Lip pulled his pants back up, then watched her with lazy eyes as she got redressed. 

She pulled her shirt over her head and then looked down at him. He looked good, different than usual somehow. There was a deep red mark blossoming on his shoulder where she’d bit it to keep from moaning, and she can’t see his back but she’s sure it’s covered in scratch marks. 

She wasn’t really sure what to say. What are you supposed to say after you have sex with your younger brother? His arms were still open though, so she sighed and settled back down against him, this time in just her tee shirt and underwear. He held her close and kissed the back of her neck. 

“You’re so gentle. No one touches me like that.” She didn’t mean for her voice to quiver, but it did. Tears flooded her eyes against her will, and she shut them to keep herself from crying. 

“It’s because I love you.” He pressed a soft kiss to her cheek and rubbed her arms with his strong hands. She tucked her head into his chest and sighed deeply, taking in the smell of him as much as she could. 

They stayed like that for almost an hour before the front door opened downstairs. The familiar sound of Carl and Ian making their way up the stairs made Fiona curse and jump up. She struggled to pull her jeans on before anyone walked in. 

“We can’t tell anyone.” She whispered, turning to walk out of the room just as the other boys barged in. 


	2. Afloat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m literally just writing this for myself so thanks if you’re reading it lol

Fiona rarely let herself cry, and never in front of the kids. But this was different. She was falling behind on bills, on the mortgage and on the electricity and she didn’t have any money for groceries, and she had no clue how to come up with all of it on time. Her mind was constantly occupied by thoughts of the power getting shut off, or the house getting taken, or the kids going hungry. It terrified her. The weight of the world seemed to be pressing down against her shoulders, and she was sure she was about to snap. 

She didn’t want to admit it to herself, but the bills were just the tip of the iceberg. She was worried that she was failing the kids. It seemed like Debs was well on her way to being a teen mom, a responsibility that neither she nor Fiona were ready for. Carl couldn’t seem to grow up, not to mention his fascination with destruction that unnerved everyone, even though they never talked about it. Liam was too young for her to be able to tell how he was gonna turn out, just yet, and Ian got into trouble here and there but he was handling himself. 

She never worried about Lip. Never had to. But now there was this thing between them, and they never talked about it. It was like this whole family never talked about anything. She didn’t want to admit that it made her chest tighten when he brought home other girls, because she didn’t want to admit that she wanted more than a quick fuck from him. It did hurt, though. And slowly, ever so slowly, everything was piling up in the back of her mind and it was getting to be way too much. 

She was on the couch, hugging her knees to her chest, the bills for the month spread out on the coffee table. There were tears running down her cheeks that she wasn’t even entirely aware of. She felt tiny. Hopeless. Like no matter what she did, it would never be enough. No matter how many jobs she worked, it would never be enough. No matter how much love she poured into these kids, it would never be enough. Like everything she touched was destined to fall apart. 

She had just started to cry for real when Lip slipped in through the front door. 

”Hey, what’s up?” He asked, moving to sit beside her. She couldn’t even say anything, just turned and hid herself against his chest as she sobbed. He wrapped his arms around her on instinct and held her tight against his chest. The fabric of his coat was still cold from the night air and he smelled like cigarettes, but that just made her cling to him harder. For her, he was home. 

They both lost track of how long it was before her tears stopped falling and she was able to catch her breath.

“It feels like I’m drowning, Lip.” Fiona said quietly, her head still tucked against his bicep. Her voice sounded so defeated, so broken, and he wanted nothing more than to destroy everything that made her feel like that. 

“You’re not. How much do we need? I’ll come up with the money.” Lip brought his hands up to hold her face and tucked her hair behind her ears. She turned her head to press a kiss to the palm of his hand and then laughed a little bit. 

“It’s not just the bills, Lip. It’s everything.” She felt tears welling up in her eyes again and quickly wiped them away. 

“Screw everything. I got you.” He pulled her closer to him, and she shifted so she was nearly sitting in his lap. 

“The kids are turning out fucked up and it’s my fault.” She hid her face in the crook of his neck so she didn’t have to look him in the eye. It felt easier that way. 

“It’s not your fault.” His hands were strong but tender when he rubbed up and down her back, digging his palms in to relieve the tension at her shoulders. “And they’ll be fine, anyway. You and Ian and I had plenty of chances to turn out fucked up, but I think we’re all alright.”

“I have sex with my brother and when he brings around his actual girlfriends I get jealous. How is that not fucked up?” Fiona laughed bitterly. She hadn’t meant to say all that, but Lip had a weird way of getting her to talk even when she’d rather do anything else. 

“Wait, you get jealous of the girls I bring around?” He pulled back a little bit, then, to look at her. 

“Sometimes, cause everything is so easy for them. They just get to be with you, don’t have to worry so much about sneaking around. And you’re so gentle and kind, I don’t like the thought of you being like that with anyone else.” She stared at her lap while she spoke, scared to see his face. He grabbed her hands with his own and held them tight. 

“We’re different. You’re different.” Lip leaned down to kiss the top of her cheekbone. She smiled and turned to kiss him for real. 

He pulled his hands free and brought them to her hips, pulling her all the way onto his lap and kissing her hard. She tangled one hand in his hair, the other clutched tightly onto his bicep. She pressed herself down against the bulge growing in his jeans, and he gasped. Her warm hands found their way up under his shirt. His skin was cold to the touch, so she ran her hands across his chest to warm him up. 

“You’re freezing, Lip.” Fiona mumbled, moving to kiss his jaw and then down his neck. He laughed a little, but he was too distracted by her hands undoing his belt, and fuck if he wasn’t already rock hard by the time she got him out of his pants.

Lip watched, one hand on Fiona’s hip while she pulled away from him just enough to get her shorts and underwear off. The second she had her clothes off, she lowered herself down on to him.

“Your cunt is fuckin’ perfect.” Lip said through a moan, letting his head fall back. He wrapped an arm around her, his hand spreading out to cover most of her back, and he flipped them. Loud groans fell from his mouth, filling the room. In the back of her mind, Fiona was worried that the kids would hear them from upstairs, even though they’d all been sleeping for a couple of hours, but the feeling of Lip inside of her was so good that she couldn’t think about it for long.

“Fuck, Lip. Feels so good.” She whined, biting down on his earlobe. He grabbed the back of her neck and pulled her head back to kiss her again.

“Shit, you look so- ah, fuck- you look so beautiful right now.” He laughed breathily, leaning down to press kisses across her collarbones. One of his hands moved to rub circles on her clit, and she had to clap a hand over her mouth to keep herself from screaming.

“Gonna come.” Fiona whimpered, leaning up so that she breathed hot across his ear. He picked up the speed of his thrusts and she bit her lip, hard, to keep quiet.

“Right there with you.” Lip ran a hand through her hair and pulled her closer, like he was gonna fall through the floor if he wasn’t holding onto her for support. 

She shook through her orgasm and tightened around him, but didn’t make much noise. He came right after her, a string of curses falling from his mouth. 

Sex was always different with Fiona. Different as in better, softer. Like there was something more behind it than just animalistic desires. Love, or whatever. Whenever he did it with Karen, or any other girl for that matter, it just felt like something was missing. And sure, that was fucked up, because Fiona was his sister, because he was her brother, but it just felt better with her.

“If I get you money for the electric and groceries, can you get the mortgage?” He had one hand on her cheek, the other pulling up his jeans and fixing his belt while he laid beside her. She nodded and smiled a little.

“I think I’d fall right off of planet earth if it wasn’t for you.” She said quietly, kissing the palm of his hand. He pulled her into a hug. She rested her head on his chest, and everything that had been weighing her down felt a little less heavy. 

“You better get to bed. You’ve got school in the morning.” Fiona kissed him once, softly, then pulled away and got herself off of the couch. She pretended she didn’t notice that he didn’t follow her upstairs. It was better that way, if she pretended that she didn’t notice when he slipped off at odd hours of the night, only to return with wads of cash.

When she woke up, there were two hundred dollar bills on the counter along with a box of cereal, and in the fridge she found eggs and milk. Lip made his way down for breakfast last out of the kids, and the bags under his eyes looked heavier than ever. But, the bills would get paid. She’d have a little extra to buy groceries until she could snag a job that gave tips. And once everyone was sitting down and eating breakfast, she looked at her siblings and thought maybe they wouldn’t end up too fucked after all. 

If anyone noticed the love bites spread out across her chest and down Lip’s neck, no one said anything. And so Fiona was able to stay afloat for a few more days. 


	3. Colder and Colder

The house was colder when Lip was gone. Not just for Fiona, but for everyone. She and Ian pretended not to see it. They avoided his name at the dinner table, and when Debbie asked with pleading eyes when he’d come home, Ian changed the subject. Ian tried to take Lip’s place. It was subconscious, sure, but Fiona saw the way Ian was stepping up and it almost lifted the weight off of her shoulders. Sure, Lip kept her afloat, but Ian was her rock. 

When Steve and Monica both tried coming back into her life at the same time, Fiona genuinely thought she was going to die. Ian was there, though. Not in the same way that Lip had been, of course, but he was there with cheap weed and cheaper beer, and the two of them tried to make it work. 

They were doing pretty well, until Lip came back and flipped everything on its head again. 

“You can’t expect things to just go back to normal right away.” Ian’s large hands rested on Fiona’s shoulders. Mandy was in their house more than some of the people who actually lived there, and Ian quickly picked up on the tension it was bringing. Although he didn’t quite understand, he knew that there was a deeper connection between Lip and Fiona, something tying them together that none of their other siblings could touch. 

“I know. It’s just hard.” Fiona sighed softly and pulled back from the kitchen sink, where she was washing dishes. “Like, everyone leaves at some point. But I thought I could count on you and Lip to stick around. Now, it’s like I know he can up and leave whenever he wants.” 

“Yeah, but he came back.” Ian lifted himself up to sit on the edge of the counter, and watched her with pity in his eyes. She hated the pity, but knew it was deserved. 

“I know. Just feels wrong.” She dried her hands off and ran them through her hair. 

“Talk to him, then. You can’t just let it eat at you forever.”

“I’ll take care of it, I promise. Thank you.” She gave Ian a quick hug and ruffled his hair. “Now get to bed. It’s late.” 

“See you in the morning.” Ian hopped off the counter and Fiona watched as he disappeared up the stairs.

She hated admitting that things were broken. Even when it was obvious. When things were broken, it meant she had messed up somewhere along the line. And she hated that. 

Fiona cracked open a beer and sipped it in silence. She was so lost in thought, in self pity, that she didn’t hear soft footsteps coming down the stairs. 

“Hey.” Lip said softly, taking a hesitant step towards the kitchen. Fiona’s head perked up, but she wasn’t smiling when she looked at him. 

“What’s up?” She asked, pulling her knees up to her chest. He took his spot beside her, and for a split second she let herself believe that things were normal. She let herself forget that his girlfriend was upstairs, that he’d disappeared for weeks like it was nothing at all. 

“We haven't really talked since I’ve been back.” His hand grabbed the back of her elbow out of habit, and she’d be lying if she said the touch didn’t make her feel warmer than she had in awhile. 

“Is that what you mean? Or do you mean that we haven’t fucked?” She laughed with a tinge of bitterness and took another sip of her beer. Lip rolled his eyes and sighed. 

“You know it’s not just that, Fi. You’ve never been a quick fuck for me. You’re never gonna be.” His fingers traced soft circles on her skin. She fought the urge to lean into him. 

“You just left, Lip. You dipped out on us. And it’s like, now you know you can do it, so what’s to stop you from doing it again?” She blinked back the tears that were welling up in her eyes. 

“Ouch.” He grabbed the beer from her hand, and she let him take it. “I didn’t mean to. I just got so mad, it didn’t feel like there was anything else I could do. You know I love you.” 

Fiona shook her head and sighed quietly. “Don’t do that. You don’t get to do that. Not with Mandy upstairs. Not when you abandoned me for weeks over a stupid argument.”

Lip’s eyes showed how much it hurt, but he didn’t move. “I know. I’m sorry.”

“I know you are. I’m sorry too. I’m just hurt, ya know?” She ran a hand through her hair, pushing back the strands that had fallen in front of her face. He wrapped an arm hesitantly around her shoulders, and she didn't lean into him like she wanted to, but she didn’t push him away. 

“We’re still us. We’re always gonna be us.” He said, softly.

“Yeah. I know.” She did lean into him, then, tucked her head into the crook of his neck. Lip rubbed softly over her back, and Fiona let her walls crumble down a little. It was hard to be tough around him all the time. He got to her soft spots in ways she couldn’t quite understand, in ways that almost scared her. 

He pressed a kiss to her temple, and she couldn’t help but roll her eyes. “You really wanna do this now? With your fuckin’ live-in girlfriend upstairs?” He laughed against her skin, and his other hand found her jaw, turned her face gently towards his. 

“Only if you want to.” He said quietly. She could feel his breath against her own mouth, and she leaned in to press their lips together briefly. 

“We really shouldn’t.” Fiona whispered, even as her hands were drifting down his chest. He grabbed her waist and pulled her closer. “You know we shouldn’t.”

“I know. But is it bad that I want to?” He laughed a little and pressed another quick kiss to the corner of her mouth. 

“I do too. But we can’t right now.” She ran her fingers through his hair and pulled away a little bit. 

Lip nodded, letting his hand drift down her back to the bottom of her spine and pulling away. “Yeah, I know. Guess you’re just a better screw than Mandy, it’s hard to resist.” He teased, pecking her on the cheek before he retreated back up the stairs. 

Fiona scrubbed her hands over her face and sighed deeply. She was fucked. Everything was fucked. Lip helped her admit that. And when she actually admitted it to herself, it didn’t seem that bad. It was just the way things were. 


End file.
